You’re grinding, you’re doing, you’re creating, you’re trying. But inside, it feels like a low, a struggle. It’s that feeling of being on a treadmill that’s not going anywhere, and deep down, you know you’re in survival mode.

I’ve been there. My own spills of depression and anxiety, and the intense demands of life, have taught me to recognize these patterns. And the first step to getting out of survival mode is simply becoming aware of it.

Here are five ways to know you’re stuck in survival mode, and a powerful bonus key to reclaiming your life.

1. You Ignore the First Voice (and Ruminate on the Second)

There’s a subtle but crucial distinction between your inner wisdom and your conditioned brain. The first voice you hear—that quiet nudge, that gut feeling—is your intuition. It’s your compass, pointing you in a direction that’s for your highest good.

The second voice is your brain. It’s been conditioned by past experiences and is designed to keep you safe from new experiences that could be harmful. It will keep talking and talking, filling you with doubt and reasons why you shouldn’t act.

The first voice never repeats itself. The second one does. To break free, you must learn to identify and act on the first voice, and then silence the second. As my husband told me, when that second voice starts to kick in, ask it, “Who said that?” It will go silent, and you can get back to what the first voice said and put in the work to get it done.

2. You Say “I’m Fine” When You’re Not

This isn’t about telling everyone your business; it’s about being honest with yourself. When you minimize your pain out loud and tell yourself you’re fine when you’re not, it leads to emotional suppression. It teaches you to bring your emotions down and throw them out, which keeps your emotional intelligence low.

When you don’t settle your emotional triggers, they will lash out on other people in the form of anger, sadness, and frustration. It’s energy from a previous version of you that you haven’t done the work on. You deserve a support system you can be honest with—whether it’s a partner, a trusted friend, or a therapist—so you can process your emotions and get another perspective.

3. Your Inner Self-Talk Sounds Like an Enemy

“I’m so dumb. Why would I do that? I never make good decisions”. This kind of negative self-talk is often learned in childhood or through trauma. What you needed to be in those environments is not what you need to be now.

Your mind is a reflection of your past traumas, and as an adult, you may still be acting out of those survival instincts. This keeps you finding the same people, places, and situations that keep you in that mindset. Getting out of it requires a change that will feel uncomfortable.

4. You Avoid Joy Until Everything is Done

“I can’t do these things that make me happy because bills need to be paid,” you tell yourself. This habit of putting yourself last is a classic sign of survival mode. You avoid joy until it feels “earned,” and that feeling of lack will keep you from ever moving past it.

The truth is, you should have joy just because you exist. You should prioritize joy for yourself as a daily practice. Acknowledge the small things you can love right now. This small act of claiming joy is a powerful way to reinforce your self-worth and shift your mindset.

5. You Keep Toxic People Around

When you have toxic people in your life, you have a tendency to become a duplicate of them. You absorb their stress secondhand, even when you aren’t going through it yourself. This creates a stressful cycle that you don’t even need.

Many people fear being alone more than they fear being unsupported by those around them. This fear keeps you in survival mode, but it doesn’t have to be that way. There are billions of people on this planet, and as you begin to be true to yourself, you will attract people who are aligned with your new life. Your journey isn’t to fix them; it’s to have the strong boundaries necessary to find your own peace.

The Bonus Key: Stop Externalizing Your Power

The single biggest thing that keeps you in survival mode is externalizing everything onto other people, places, and things. When you get mad at your boss or your partner and you let their actions dictate your own, you are giving away your control.

The minute you stop blaming and acknowledge your own contribution to the situation, you reclaim your power to change it. It might take a day, a year, or a decade, but at least you know you have the power to change the situation. Don’t externalize it to somebody else, because then they are in control of your life.

You have the power to change your situation and break out of survival mode by building new habits. I talk about all of this in my book, Happy Habits.

Ready to make the shift? You’re not alone. I have free tools to help you get started today.

Download my freebies: Get the first chapter of Happy Habits, the FOCUS Framework Workbook, and a free affirmation song, “Power.” Visit: becomingherself.com/newsletter

I’ve bundled up so much to help you on your journey. On my website, becomingherself.com, you’ll find a wealth of resources, all designed to support you:

• Dive deeper into my music: Download the entire “Songs of Becoming” album at becomingherself.com.
• Interested in coaching? Email me at hello@becomingherself.com to express your interest.

Thank you for tuning in. I appreciate you so, so much.